I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize