I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I am mentally ready for anal.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize