Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
