I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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