you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
