i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
