Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
