I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
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