We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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