I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
