so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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