i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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