It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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