Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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