how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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