vagina is talking i cant
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
