Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
worst night to have a conscience
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
