Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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