Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize