last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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