babies were throwing up all over the place
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
