Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
