i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
