Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
