found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
