My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
