So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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