dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
