my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Is it because I queefed?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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