I am spending my child support on dildos
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
