I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
