she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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