No awkward lesbian experiences without me
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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