Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
