best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
