He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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