After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you win again, gameday.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
