You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
