like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
