wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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