The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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