My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
