ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
