sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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