I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
