i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
