"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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