like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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