similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
