I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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