Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
