i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
