Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
