I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
