My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
