I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
