At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
