Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
