She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
