Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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