Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
