So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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