Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
