her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
