Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
