just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize