Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
