i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
