Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize