we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
