what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
