Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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