I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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