if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize