You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
