the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
