I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
