Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
