Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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