what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
