using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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