Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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