life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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