My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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