You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It's Friday. Sex?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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