You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
