if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
