My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
